In the beginning of our daughter’s deployment my role as mother to my granddaughters I took very seriously. I was worried about if my grandchildren would really share their concerns with me. I tried to be a very strong example for them, act positive and show no worries. After a few weeks I started feeling so stressed. I then took a look at myself, and realized I was just trying to hard to be a perfect person and I just had to let go and be myself. Let the girls see me concerned now and then. This was real life, not a fantasy.
I had always done motherly duties for my granddaughters. Brushing and styling their hair, giving them baths, helping them pick out clothes.
My granddaughters loved taking bathes. They liked to soak in the tub and play with toys, typical of children. One thing that I thought was so different, from when I cared for my children, is that they liked me to stay with them in the bathroom while they were in the bath tub, and talk to me, one on one.
This was their way of having their own individual time and my complete attention. What I found out was they would ask me my opinion of issues, were they were unsure of how to handle. Such as, if a friend was unkind to one another. And the friends wanted them to take sides, for no reason at all, or they became mean to one an other. They would ask what I thought they should do?
This reminded me of when I raised my children, but what was different is that my granddaughters would open up and share their inner most thoughts with me. I never shared my inner most thoughts with my grandmother. I don’t know why, but I did not live with her either.
I guess this was because I was their temporary mother. What I learned don’t try to be more than what you are you already are. You are their mom for right now, but a grandmother for ever.