Tag Archives: children

How to prepare the service member children when their military parent has a Mid Tour or R&R

This summer we made it a point to be extremely busy, because of our daughter’s 1 year military assignment over seas. We did this deliberately. Our daughter was able to come home for a Mid Tour or R&R  to be with their family in July.

We were very excited, and a bit anxious of how our daughter would be when she returned home. I was warned by many military families ,spouses and counselors, this is a very exciting time being reunited. And can be even more painful, when the service member returns back to their duty.

I was nervous. When our daughter returned from deployment in 2008, she was a different person and we as a family had to work at reconnecting her family back. Was this how it would be when she comes home during her Mid Tour?

The school social workers told I needed to prepare my granddaughters. Share with them their excitement of their mother returning and reminding them this was only temporary. Talk about how many days the family will be together and then the date their mother will have to leave. I did just that. I knew this was going to be challenging for all of us.

When our daughter returned home,  a few days later my granddaughter Ivie had her dance recital. My husband and I drove out to attend the performance. We stayed with our daughter. I tried asking my daughter questions about her experiences overseas and she gave me one word answers. I knew this was similar to when she came home from deployment. My daughter was extremely tired which is understandable traveling from overseas and dealing with the  time change, so I let it go. She really did not talk much that weekend. The weekend went by and my husband and I drove back to California.

A week later our daughter and her family came to our home in California to spend the 4th of July. Our town is very patriotic, has a 2 hour parade which is televised and evening fireworks. We all rode our  bicycles  to where the parade route would be. We had so much fun that day.

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Our daughter spent 5 days with us and it was not until end of her visit, she began to open up. She shared stories about people ,the food the climate and places she had visited and the family began to reconnect with her. She was beginning to be her old self prior to her leaving. We all where so happy laughing at her stories.

But we knew this was only temporary it would come to end once she  had to return.

When she was getting ready to return  I decided to stay home and not see  her off at the airport. It found it  to painful seeing her expressions, her crying, knowing difficult  it must be for her to  leave her husband and her children.

 

I cried several nights prior to her leaving. I think most family members do the same thing. Once the day came for her to leave and she was in the airport waiting for her flight, she called my husband and I. She thanked us for all we are doing for helping her husband and children. My husband and I know this challenging time  is an opportunity for us to know our  family even more. Because someday it will all change. It is not easy for any family. We all encouraged one another on the phone reminding us that soon December will be here and this will be all over.  We will be back together again.

We are on the downward slide to December.

 

Our military daughter says goodbye to her family

When my daughter Erin deployed 5 years ago and  said good bye to us , it was very different then today.

Five years ago, our daughter and her children came to our  home for Christmas, we all had a wonderful time together. The children then went to visit their father for a week,  since my daughter and he were divorced. Then when their visit was over my ex son in law brought the children to their home and I came and picked them up. We packed up our truck with our granddaughter’s personal belongs, drove to our home and the children came to live with us.

This time when I arrived at our daughter’s hoe it was 5 days before she was to leave. I helped my daughter and her family put up all their Christmas decorations. I think this helped my daughter feel she was a part of their Christmas, knowing she would not be with her family.

My daughter wanted all of us to go to the airport and see her off. I did not want to because I was afraid I would cry, I was trying to be strong for her. But I did go for her sake. The day before she left was  one of the hardest days for everyone of us. My daughter emotions were running high, not wanting to leave her family, and her family was trying to hard to be brave. I was warned by other military families the service member leaving will usually pick a fight with the family because this is a defense mechanism so they can leave their family, when they truly do not want to. But I knew what to do since I had attended Military Yellow Ribbon events. The secret was to not engage in the argument.

I had to reassure her children that the next day, their mother would be acting more like herself. Which was exactly what happened. the next day she was her old self.

The day she was to leave we all got in the car.We did not talk, we could not think of any thing to say. Which was so strange for all of us being so quiet. Once we arrived at the airport and Erin checked in with the ticket agent. She told the Alaskan airline ticket agent she was leaving and could her family go to the gate with her. The ticket agent was so supportive and gave us passes to the gate.

We walked to the gate and waited with her to board the plane. She took pictures of her with her children and husband on her Iphone. The  final call for boarding plane was announced , she looked at me and we tried not to cry.  We hugged each other and she just said, “Thank you mom for everything”. I could not say a word, because I knew I would cry if I spoke. Then she hugged her children one by one. Her children began to cry and my daughter started to cry. She hugged her husband and he whispered in her ear. She turned and began walking down the gateway. She turned around  several times whipping her tears and waving goodbye.

I could not hold back my tears. I broke down crying.   We  embraced each other. Everyone at the gate watched us and knew how painful this was for us.

I think this was harder than before, but it was good for all of us to lean on one another.

Say goodbye is hard for everyone. I think this did help our granddaughters face the reality of their mother having to leave.

 

How to eliminate a generation gap with a teenager and preteen

As my grandchildren start get older  and  living far away I started  feeling like there was a  generation gap between us.

Our granddaughters have not  stayed with us for a long time. They have grown up so much and now have many other interests. The eldest granddaughter, Ivie likes being  on her Iphone texting  her friends, and listening to her music.

Bailey was busy on her Ipad, creating pictures, playing games and sending instant messages to her friends. How was I going to get their attention?

But when I look back at when I was 15 yrs. old I surely was in my own world wanting to be with my friends. I remember beginning  to create my own interest and ideas of the world. Friends were the most important thing at that age for me.

I decided to try and remember what it was like to be a teenager with younger siblings. I was the eldest with  3 siblings. I just wanted to have my own time, but I did enjoy taking my siblings places. I always enjoyed children.

I drove to Arizona and picked up Ivie and Bailey and drove back to California the next day. They  were so excited to come and stay with my husband and I especially because we live near the beach.  I know they love doing things with us and they are always willing to go places with us.

The eldest granddaughter, Ivie had saved her money up to buy a real beach cruiser bicycle.  Bailey  had grown out of her bicycle, so my husband Alan bought Bailey a new bike. He told me he enjoys buying  items for his granddaughters, especially something we can enjoy every day. The kids were so excited to go riding on  their new bikes. We rode our bikes along a beach path and it’s so much fun.

We packed our lunch and  rode our bikes along the beach. We rode over 10 miles. We stopped and ate our lunch on a beach bluff looking down at the water. We saw pelicans diving into the water and catching fish. We saw surfers surfing. Dogs running along the beach.

My granddaughters loved  every minute on the bikes. It’s funny I did not feel like we had a generation gap any more. We all enjoyed having fun together on our bikes.

That’s the secret.. choose something you all enjoy together!