Tag Archives: frustrated

How can there be different stages during deployment?

No one told me that there were different phases I would be experiencing  during my daughter’s deployment .

In the beginning of my daughters’ deployment all I could do was to try and get my granddaughters settled to their new surroundings. And  I was adjusting to my new role as their temporary mother. I was unsure that I would face during  deployment. I soon found learned that there are  three stages of deployment.




Pre-deployment is a  preparation for my new role as a mother to my granddaughters. I had very little time to really think about what I was about to encounter. I was in shock when my daughter told us she was to deploy. She tried to full warn me but I stayed in a denial, hoping if I did not think about deployment it would not effect me.  That was a big mistake!  Once I learned my daughter was to deploy, I asked myself “How could this happen?” “Why me?”  I did not understand that all I did was make things harder for myself by not preparing. Do yourself a favor, learn what you can as soon as possible. The more time you can think about your new upcoming situation the better it will be for you.

I have 10 tips list to help you prepare.

Once deployment has happened  its strange at first . You are trying to adjust to your new role. You fill feel frustrated, anxious, and just plan scared. This is because you have never experienced this before. I tried very hard to stay positive for my granddaughters and my daughter. Our family was  all trying to be brave for one another. I couldn’t share what I was truly feeling, I was  so scared. I soon learned to  imagine a good outcome. Picturing everyone happy and all together again.

Communicating with the deployed, this can be very comforting for all of us. My daughter was unable to contact us for several weeks, so I experienced a feeling of loss.  Cut off from her. But once she did call us, that feeling went away.

I established daily routines for myself, granddaughters and my husband and life started becoming easier. Focusing on what we had to do each day, week and up coming month.

Reintegration was something I was totally unprepared for. I though it would be like Christmas, everyone would celebrate and we would be happy.

I learned that  my daughter’s deployed lifestyle was so different  compared to her lifestyle here in the USA . When my daughter returned she was thrilled to be with her children, but her attitude had changed. I found out later this was very common.  I think this was one of hardest parts of deployment as a parent. You just want your child to be like how they were before deployment, but they have changed. I can say it took my daughter several weeks to adjust to being a mother again, and months getting use to working and living back in her old routine prior to her deployment. One thing I recommend is to be very patient. Try to be understanding and  remember time heals all.

I also was told by a nurse, working with returning Vets- the deployed  adrenal glands are so pumped up because of their deployed working environment, it’s hard for them to relax when they come home. Once deployment is over they feel like they have been running a marathon and now they have hit a wall. My daughter experienced challenges in making any kind of decisions, which was totally uncharacteristic for her.  She became frustrated with herself.

What I was unaware of at the time, that helped my daughter during this transition time, was she stayed with us for the first three weeks of her leave. This helped her ease into readjusting back to motherhood. What I found out was the entire family has to reintegrate.  My granddaughter’s got use to having their mother around and I started letting go of being a mother to my granddaughters . We were all reintegrating back to what we once were before deployment.

Once you understand the different stages of deployment and how to adjust to them, you will have a better understanding of the process.

How my granddaughter relieved my stress.


In the past most of my communications was done one on one on the telephone. Once I completed writing my book I began to learn  what social networking was all about. I am still learning since this is a median that is ever changing.

I have had a blog site and face book page Grandparents being Parents since I completed my book Deployed Grandparents being Parents. I have shared my progress with my granddaughters, Ivie and Bailey since I launched my book.

My eldest granddaughter, Ivie has been trying to convince her mother, my daughter to allow her to have her own face book page, so she can communicate with both sides of the family.  My daughter like most parents are very concerned with the internet, media and  exposure to children.  Ivie has shown  a high level of maturity and  responsibility, so my daughter came to an agreement. My daughter would monitor her face book.

While I was on line and posting an update on my face book page  Grandparents being Parents I receive a popup. Chat window opened up and it said from  Ivie and her message said “Hi Grandma how are you?” This made my day. I had never used this chat method. Due to being on a computer all day long, chatting seemed to be just to much for me. But this was different. This was with my granddaughter. I wrote back to her but could not figure out how to send it. I tried several times and became frustrated. So I logged on to her  face book and posted  a message it to her, asking her for help. Ivie then responded back on the chat telling me what to do. Checking in with me and seeing how I was doing.

Kids today seem to work out issues with social networking much better than my generation. I guess we were so use to having instructions. I was always fearful I would screw up my computer. I have created so much stress for myself.

I think I will continue to have my granddaughter give me pointers with my networking. My granddaughter is so patient with me and she is so proud that she can help me.

I would have never thought my grandchildren would teach me a thing or two. I look forward to learning more from them.