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Our military daughter says goodbye to her family

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When my daughter Erin deployed 5 years ago and  said good bye to us , it was very different then today.

Five years ago, our daughter and her children came to our  home for Christmas, we all had a wonderful time together. The children then went to visit their father for a week,  since my daughter and he were divorced. Then when their visit was over my ex son in law brought the children to their home and I came and picked them up. We packed up our truck with our granddaughter’s personal belongs, drove to our home and the children came to live with us.

This time when I arrived at our daughter’s hoe it was 5 days before she was to leave. I helped my daughter and her family put up all their Christmas decorations. I think this helped my daughter feel she was a part of their Christmas, knowing she would not be with her family.

My daughter wanted all of us to go to the airport and see her off. I did not want to because I was afraid I would cry, I was trying to be strong for her. But I did go for her sake. The day before she left was  one of the hardest days for everyone of us. My daughter emotions were running high, not wanting to leave her family, and her family was trying to hard to be brave. I was warned by other military families the service member leaving will usually pick a fight with the family because this is a defense mechanism so they can leave their family, when they truly do not want to. But I knew what to do since I had attended Military Yellow Ribbon events. The secret was to not engage in the argument.

I had to reassure her children that the next day, their mother would be acting more like herself. Which was exactly what happened. the next day she was her old self.

The day she was to leave we all got in the car.We did not talk, we could not think of any thing to say. Which was so strange for all of us being so quiet. Once we arrived at the airport and Erin checked in with the ticket agent. She told the Alaskan airline ticket agent she was leaving and could her family go to the gate with her. The ticket agent was so supportive and gave us passes to the gate.

We walked to the gate and waited with her to board the plane. She took pictures of her with her children and husband on her Iphone. The  final call for boarding plane was announced , she looked at me and we tried not to cry.  We hugged each other and she just said, “Thank you mom for everything”. I could not say a word, because I knew I would cry if I spoke. Then she hugged her children one by one. Her children began to cry and my daughter started to cry. She hugged her husband and he whispered in her ear. She turned and began walking down the gateway. She turned around  several times whipping her tears and waving goodbye.

I could not hold back my tears. I broke down crying.   We  embraced each other. Everyone at the gate watched us and knew how painful this was for us.

I think this was harder than before, but it was good for all of us to lean on one another.

Say goodbye is hard for everyone. I think this did help our granddaughters face the reality of their mother having to leave.

 

How Yellow Ribbon events help the family to prepare for all stages of deployment?

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I had the opportunity to present my Key Note speech at a Yellow Ribbon event on April 9 for the 96th MPBN combined with the 321st MP DET CI Army Reserve families.

Yellow Ribbon events are broken down in  a numbered series  from 1- 7.  Series 1-Starting Planning Phase of deployment through  Series 7 – 90 days after returning from active duty.

This Yellow Ribbon event  was addressing Series 3 and 4, present deployment with  educating on how to help your solider  on re reintegration. This one day event started at 8:00 am through 5:00pm . The Family Readiness  coordinates these events for adults and the children. Each military family was given a prepared scheduled  agenda, outlining sessions to attend that would help them with their current and future issues they were about to  experience. I only  wished I would have had this when I was caring for my granddaughters.

The Yellow Ribbon event included other community partners like ourselves,  organizations providing assistance to the military families. These partners provided  table top displays along with their information. For our table top display we  brought a display board, our books -Deployed Grandparents being Parents and Deployed Kids and  business cards . The display board,  our daughter created when she returned from her deployment in Afghanistan in 2008. She created this  for our family’s Welcome home party. Who would of thought at that time I would be using it for a Yellow Ribbon event for  deployed families.

The picture you see is Major Johnson, surprisingly we learned he was  deployed and stationed in Baghram the same time our daughter was there. He worked in the back of the building our daughter was working in. Small world! My husband and I enjoyed hearing what his deployment experiences were like.

The military families enjoyed seeing our display board and sharing their stories of their military loved one’s current deployment with my husband Alan and I.  Alan and I shared our  support and tried to give suggestions on how hope to cope with their present situation. Military mom’s always shed a tear or two with us when they explain how they are dealing with deployment. I reassured these moms, it’s OK to cry, your entitled we are the moms,we are all in this together, and we understand what you are going through.

Yellow Ribbon events are a way for everyone in the family to better understand what are the stages of deployment , how to handle those stages  and most importantly- this event is  for everyone in the family.

I worked with Jhoselyn Ramirez -CFLE  Family Readiness Support Assistant. She provided me with complete instructions on my prior arrival, the day of the event  and what I needed to provide. I found this event was so well organized, educational, and a big stress reliever  for the families. Families shared with me how happy they were to learn how to handle their situation and now knowing where to get support.

I encourage if you are invited to attend your families Yellow Ribbon event you go!

President Obama has said” Military families are the force behind our Force.” And we are those families.

My next blog I will share with you a woman I met,  a married  grandmother. Her husband deployed last year, then  just recently her single parent daughter deployed leaving her daughter’s children with her. She was a Deployed Wife and a Deployed Grandma at the same time!