Category Archives: deployed

Commuting Grandma caregiving military grandkids

I have been traveling the entire year, once a month to Arizona which is about 6 hour drive from my home in order to care give my granddaughters, so my son in law can attend his National  Guard weekend. My daughter is serving a one year military assignment overseas  away from her family.

It’s a strange situation because I have to step into and out of a grandma  mom role.It takes my granddaughters two days to adjust to my ways of caring for them. And it takes me that time also to get into the parenting role. Care giving is so different from raising your own children.

1. You have to think twice of every decision you make. How will this effect my son in law, the children and my daughter during my visit and when I go home.

2. You also have to think about the child’s feelings. They have special emotional  stressors that can be triggered due to their situation they are experiencing.  Schools and our communities are unaware of the challenges military children face. Studies have confirmed that military connected children are impacted by separation. Sometimes children will over react over something very trivial.

3. I have to adjust my work schedule around my granddaughters  school, after school activities and school vactions. Since I am not retired I have to really focus on my time management. I have had to focus on my life staying in  balance, knowing what I can and can not do. I have placed my life on hold, but it is well worth this time. It can be an emotional pull, wanting your old life, wishing things were different, put knowing God has a plan and letting go.

4. I have to take in consideration how the children need to stay connected to their mother. Reminding them of sharing every event they can take for granted.

5. I need to keep in mind I too have emotional times, recognizing I miss my daughter, feeling my daughter’s separatation from her children. This I think is the hardest part for me. I pray often for strength and guidance to provide me the right  the support our family needs.

The hardest part of commuting is leaving my granddaughters. Even though I am leaving them in good hands, I feel like I am abandoning them.  I usually cry in car driving back home. I know I must go home and want to, but want to stay with my granddaughters at the same time.

I try to focus on when my daughter returns and she is with her family. We count the days when our daughter will return and it will be very soon.

 

Our military daughter says goodbye to her family

When my daughter Erin deployed 5 years ago and  said good bye to us , it was very different then today.

Five years ago, our daughter and her children came to our  home for Christmas, we all had a wonderful time together. The children then went to visit their father for a week,  since my daughter and he were divorced. Then when their visit was over my ex son in law brought the children to their home and I came and picked them up. We packed up our truck with our granddaughter’s personal belongs, drove to our home and the children came to live with us.

This time when I arrived at our daughter’s hoe it was 5 days before she was to leave. I helped my daughter and her family put up all their Christmas decorations. I think this helped my daughter feel she was a part of their Christmas, knowing she would not be with her family.

My daughter wanted all of us to go to the airport and see her off. I did not want to because I was afraid I would cry, I was trying to be strong for her. But I did go for her sake. The day before she left was  one of the hardest days for everyone of us. My daughter emotions were running high, not wanting to leave her family, and her family was trying to hard to be brave. I was warned by other military families the service member leaving will usually pick a fight with the family because this is a defense mechanism so they can leave their family, when they truly do not want to. But I knew what to do since I had attended Military Yellow Ribbon events. The secret was to not engage in the argument.

I had to reassure her children that the next day, their mother would be acting more like herself. Which was exactly what happened. the next day she was her old self.

The day she was to leave we all got in the car.We did not talk, we could not think of any thing to say. Which was so strange for all of us being so quiet. Once we arrived at the airport and Erin checked in with the ticket agent. She told the Alaskan airline ticket agent she was leaving and could her family go to the gate with her. The ticket agent was so supportive and gave us passes to the gate.

We walked to the gate and waited with her to board the plane. She took pictures of her with her children and husband on her Iphone. The  final call for boarding plane was announced , she looked at me and we tried not to cry.  We hugged each other and she just said, “Thank you mom for everything”. I could not say a word, because I knew I would cry if I spoke. Then she hugged her children one by one. Her children began to cry and my daughter started to cry. She hugged her husband and he whispered in her ear. She turned and began walking down the gateway. She turned around  several times whipping her tears and waving goodbye.

I could not hold back my tears. I broke down crying.   We  embraced each other. Everyone at the gate watched us and knew how painful this was for us.

I think this was harder than before, but it was good for all of us to lean on one another.

Say goodbye is hard for everyone. I think this did help our granddaughters face the reality of their mother having to leave.

 

The grandkids are back, but I am mobile!

It’s happening again. Our daughter is leaving for a lengthy assignment.

This time the granddaughters are staying in their home with their step dad. He is a great guy and wonderful caregiver to our granddaughters. In fact, my granddaughters dedicated their book ,Deployed Kids to him when he was our daughter’s boy friend.

This time I will be commuting once a month to Arizona to help out. It’s going to be very different this time while my daughter is away. But we have known this was coming for some time. No matter how prepared you are for a loved leaving, your not prepared for all that you have to do when they are gone.

While she is away, my granddaughters and I are working together on having our own  radio on demand show on thenew  Military Appreciation Channel. Our show will be called – Families Called to Duty. Our show should be aired in January. It is so much fun working with my granddaughters on something so worthwhile.

Thank goodness for technology so I can be mobile.