Category Archives: mental health

How to prepare children for major life changes

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I never knew how different military children were until  our granddaughters lived with us during their mom’s deployment.

When I was a kid my parents moved very often. They just liked to move and experience new surroundings. When I graduated from high school I had been to 13 schools. People would ask me” Is your dad in the military?” I never really thought about it until my granddaughters came to live with us.

My parents would tell me we were going to move about 2 weeks before the move. It was hard saying good bye to my friends and teachers. I hated being the “new girl” in school. But I made an effort and made friends quickly. I can say today I don’t have a problem going to events where I do not know anyone.

My daughter prepares her to her children for months in advance. She take about the possibilities of future moves. She would tell them if you were to go live with grandma and grandpa you will be able to go to my elementary school. You would have your own bedroom and live in the house I grew up in. And instead of only seeing your grandparents once a year on vacation you can live with them. So when  our daughter actually deployed  our granddaughters we prepared. They had thought about living with us.

The only problem with this preparation is the children can worry about the separation from their parent. They can become anxious and worry about when that time comes.

My granddaughters did adjust very quickly to living with us. Knew we had rules to follow and the these new rules would be different from their mother’s. they accepted they had to follow new rules and never argued about what our rules were compared to their home.

With our daughter’s future departure just around the corner my granddaughter’s household rules will change. My granddaughter’s are now preparing for those changes and I am too. Thinking about how I can help them when I plan on staying with them once a month.

Looking back at our last deployment  I do think it’s better to prepare a child for separation, like my daughter is doing. It maybe hard knowing my daughter will be leaving ,but adjusting to our new environment I think will be a lot easier.

She is a wife of a deployed, a mom of a deployed, a grandmother/guardian of her deployed daughter’s children all at the same time!

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My husband Alan and I  had the honor to meet many supporting military  families at the Yellow Ribbon event for the deployed Army Reserves.  I loved hearing their personal stories of what their family experiences have been with their deployments. Each story is unique and touches my heart, and we all have a common ground. Trying to cope with what you have been dealt, and attempting to achieve a positive outlook and experience.

I know our personal situation with deployment was challenging, with being a parents to our granddaughters. Each family had a special story.

One families’ story I think stuck out in my mind that day. A woman shared with  Alan and I that her husband was currently deployed, for the past  year. While her husband was deployed, just four  months ago, she became the guardians of her Army Reserves daughter’s three children, ages -16, 10 and 6. She and her husband had downsized to a smaller home, a 1 bedroom and a loft, 10 years ago. She lives relatively  close to her daughter’s home. She felt she wanted to provide her grandchildren a familiar surroundings and a normal routine. She felt this would help them during  their mother’s deployment. The kids  get ready for school at their own home, and after school they would  return  to complete their homework. They all ate dinner together, then they would  gather  their belongings and sleep at their grandmother’s house. She felt she needed to sleep in her own bed. She shared with us the challenges of balancing the two households, children’s activates and her daily routine.

She is alone, facing all the mixed emotions and duties of her new responsibilities. When her husband returns, he will be able to help her in a few months. But in the meanwhile it’s all up to her.

I asked her how the children were dealing with this. She explained that the youngest child was convinced their mother would not return home safely. And they were fearful of anything happening to her, since she was the only one there for them. She was concerned and recognized the children’s  mental health was an issue. She sought out counseling to help the children and herself. I give her credit for reaching out for help. The military provides exceptional counseling for families dealing with all sorts of issues. I give her credit, for recognizing they all needed help!

I shared with her the website and my email, encouraging her to keep me posted on her progress, and if  she needed a shoulder to lean on,I was there for her. Knowing you have others that are or have been  in  the same situation is so gratifying. Knowing others  have come through deployment, makes all the difference in the world.

I am  proud to know other deployed families, and their commitment to sacrificing their lifestyle and making a difference for their family, doing what ever it takes for the family.  Cheers to those families!

We are the Force behind Our Force!