Category Archives: reintergrating

How to prepare the service member children when their military parent has a Mid Tour or R&R

This summer we made it a point to be extremely busy, because of our daughter’s 1 year military assignment over seas. We did this deliberately. Our daughter was able to come home for a Mid Tour or R&R  to be with their family in July.

We were very excited, and a bit anxious of how our daughter would be when she returned home. I was warned by many military families ,spouses and counselors, this is a very exciting time being reunited. And can be even more painful, when the service member returns back to their duty.

I was nervous. When our daughter returned from deployment in 2008, she was a different person and we as a family had to work at reconnecting her family back. Was this how it would be when she comes home during her Mid Tour?

The school social workers told I needed to prepare my granddaughters. Share with them their excitement of their mother returning and reminding them this was only temporary. Talk about how many days the family will be together and then the date their mother will have to leave. I did just that. I knew this was going to be challenging for all of us.

When our daughter returned home,  a few days later my granddaughter Ivie had her dance recital. My husband and I drove out to attend the performance. We stayed with our daughter. I tried asking my daughter questions about her experiences overseas and she gave me one word answers. I knew this was similar to when she came home from deployment. My daughter was extremely tired which is understandable traveling from overseas and dealing with the  time change, so I let it go. She really did not talk much that weekend. The weekend went by and my husband and I drove back to California.

A week later our daughter and her family came to our home in California to spend the 4th of July. Our town is very patriotic, has a 2 hour parade which is televised and evening fireworks. We all rode our  bicycles  to where the parade route would be. We had so much fun that day.

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Our daughter spent 5 days with us and it was not until end of her visit, she began to open up. She shared stories about people ,the food the climate and places she had visited and the family began to reconnect with her. She was beginning to be her old self prior to her leaving. We all where so happy laughing at her stories.

But we knew this was only temporary it would come to end once she  had to return.

When she was getting ready to return  I decided to stay home and not see  her off at the airport. It found it  to painful seeing her expressions, her crying, knowing difficult  it must be for her to  leave her husband and her children.

 

I cried several nights prior to her leaving. I think most family members do the same thing. Once the day came for her to leave and she was in the airport waiting for her flight, she called my husband and I. She thanked us for all we are doing for helping her husband and children. My husband and I know this challenging time  is an opportunity for us to know our  family even more. Because someday it will all change. It is not easy for any family. We all encouraged one another on the phone reminding us that soon December will be here and this will be all over.  We will be back together again.

We are on the downward slide to December.

 

How Yellow Ribbon events help the family to prepare for all stages of deployment?

 

I had the opportunity to present my Key Note speech at a Yellow Ribbon event on April 9 for the 96th MPBN combined with the 321st MP DET CI Army Reserve families.

Yellow Ribbon events are broken down in  a numbered series  from 1- 7.  Series 1-Starting Planning Phase of deployment through  Series 7 – 90 days after returning from active duty.

This Yellow Ribbon event  was addressing Series 3 and 4, present deployment with  educating on how to help your solider  on re reintegration. This one day event started at 8:00 am through 5:00pm . The Family Readiness  coordinates these events for adults and the children. Each military family was given a prepared scheduled  agenda, outlining sessions to attend that would help them with their current and future issues they were about to  experience. I only  wished I would have had this when I was caring for my granddaughters.

The Yellow Ribbon event included other community partners like ourselves,  organizations providing assistance to the military families. These partners provided  table top displays along with their information. For our table top display we  brought a display board, our books -Deployed Grandparents being Parents and Deployed Kids and  business cards . The display board,  our daughter created when she returned from her deployment in Afghanistan in 2008. She created this  for our family’s Welcome home party. Who would of thought at that time I would be using it for a Yellow Ribbon event for  deployed families.

The picture you see is Major Johnson, surprisingly we learned he was  deployed and stationed in Baghram the same time our daughter was there. He worked in the back of the building our daughter was working in. Small world! My husband and I enjoyed hearing what his deployment experiences were like.

The military families enjoyed seeing our display board and sharing their stories of their military loved one’s current deployment with my husband Alan and I.  Alan and I shared our  support and tried to give suggestions on how hope to cope with their present situation. Military mom’s always shed a tear or two with us when they explain how they are dealing with deployment. I reassured these moms, it’s OK to cry, your entitled we are the moms,we are all in this together, and we understand what you are going through.

Yellow Ribbon events are a way for everyone in the family to better understand what are the stages of deployment , how to handle those stages  and most importantly- this event is  for everyone in the family.

I worked with Jhoselyn Ramirez -CFLE  Family Readiness Support Assistant. She provided me with complete instructions on my prior arrival, the day of the event  and what I needed to provide. I found this event was so well organized, educational, and a big stress reliever  for the families. Families shared with me how happy they were to learn how to handle their situation and now knowing where to get support.

I encourage if you are invited to attend your families Yellow Ribbon event you go!

President Obama has said” Military families are the force behind our Force.” And we are those families.

My next blog I will share with you a woman I met,  a married  grandmother. Her husband deployed last year, then  just recently her single parent daughter deployed leaving her daughter’s children with her. She was a Deployed Wife and a Deployed Grandma at the same time!

 

How to help your solider reintergrate

This weekend I will be speaking Army Reserves families who’s loved one will be returning from their deployment in 30 days. This is a very exciting time for the solider returning and their families. I remember when my daughter returned from her deployment. Thinking about us all being together again seemed like a dream. But it was real.

I am excited for those families, but I know they will have a job ahead of them. They will have to adjust to their loved being a changed person, and realize they have changed also. They will have to be patient and allow their loved one time time to adjust to living state side. They will have to flexible at including their loved back into their daily routine.

Deployment not only changes the solider, it changes everyone -Spouses Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, cousins and family friends. It takes time adjusting back, but it does feel good be together again.

Our family gained a better understanding of our daughter’s deployment and the steps you have to take, when she had to re-intergrate.

In my speech I plan to share tips with the families in hopes of making their integration a smooth one.